tra·di·tion

/trəˈdiSH(ə)n/

the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

This is a post that has been on my spirit to write for the past year - yes... since November 2021 - but every time I would sit down to do so, I would feel this pressure on my heart... like something was stopping or blocking me. I realized that that hesitation was coming from a shame that I'd been carrying around ever since becoming a wife & mother... the shame & guilt of not continuing and/or starting any holiday traditions to pass down to our daughter. It wasn't until I really sat down with these feelings - and then looked up the meaning of the word - that I had a true moment of clarity.

The holiday season was always a time of year that made me anxious. As I got older, this anxiety only amplified.

As someone who was raised Catholic, I celebrated the religious significance of Christmas, alongside the secular "magic" of the season. Over time, I felt burdened by this because I felt like there was an obligation to observe the religious traditions of Advent & Christmas in addition to all the secular expectations - the decorating, the shopping, etc.

Growing up, there were a lot of activities & beliefs that my family observed - traditions - that for one reason or another didn't stick with me... hence the shame & guilt. Becoming a wife & a mom, I wondered if I'd be capable of starting traditions with & for my family... or if I should be carrying on the ones that my family observed. I remember watching The Witcher on Netflix and in it someone says, "what has always been won't always be" and that's what I realized about my relationship with traditions. This is the first year I found myself clearly not wanting to decorate... and most importantly, not feeling guilty about it.

what has always been won't always be

After a year of unpacking a lot of emotional baggage in therapy, I began to realize that there are already enough “rules” around the holidays & all of my anxiety was self-imposed. The only traditions I needed to observe are the ones we created together as a family - what activities filled our cup and brought us the most joy versus the ones society and/or social media said we should be doing.

First, I had to remember that we're a young family of firsts - I'm a first generation American citizen... my husband is the first in his family to join the military... we've both created a life wildly different than that of our parents & siblings. There's a lot our families did that would never actually work for us because of our generational, cultural, and lifestyle differences. We're still learning one another as husband, wife, and child. How do I know what traditions are the best fit for us without imposing my own past onto them?

Second, I had to tune out the noise of social media. There's a lot of messaging I had to tune out, namely that my life ≠ an integrated marketing campaign. As a marketer & merchandiser, it was my job to operate at least one season ahead of everyone else... to forecast & translate market trends into aspirational & shoppable presentations. As a content creator, I wanted to be a storyteller... creating real world, relatable content that could also be aspirational & shoppable. This is especially challenging to reconcile during the holiday season when creators, arguably, make the most of their money. How do I stay present in the season in my real life while also keeping my audience engaged?

By allowing myself to shed pre conceived ideas of what I should be doing, I was able to step back from what was expected of me as a creator and lean into the seeds of tradition that we were already planting. Last year, #thehyggeranchholidays featured an elaborate holidayscape, including three Christmas trees throughout the house. This year, I just don't feel like it... and that's okay. Not doing it this year doesn't mean I'll never do it again. It just means not this year. With that, I let go of the notion that I always had to use all my decor all at once. I just have to use the ones that are reflective of the holiday mood we're currently in.

Tradition No. 1 - Stockings Above The Fireplace

While I had absolutely no desire to do all the pomp & circumstance of 2021, one holidayscape I'm always in the mood for is stylingour fireplace, specifically hanging stockings for each of us. Neither my husband nor I grew up receiving stocking stuffers, yet some how, this has been something that we've consistently done for the past 6 Christmas seasons... including when we didn't even have a fireplace or a mantle.

Holiday Decor Tip: If you don't have mantle or stair rail to hang holiday stockings, use command strip hooks to hang them on a wall instead.

Hanging holiday stocking is such a low lift decorating task. and for me, it's a great way to add hygge inspired texture to our decor for the season.

Tradition No. 2 - Matching Pajamas for Christmas & New YeaR

For the past 6 years we've consistently worn matching pajamas for Christmas and for New Years Day - so yep... everyone gets two new pajamas to bookend the year. Two years ago, I began also getting us matching or coordinating slippers as well. We're a big slipper family - house slippers + slippers for when we're like on the deck - so this felt like a natural addition to our pajama tradition.

This year, I only regret not getting us some bougie-er pajama and loungewear options - some satins, some velvets, some razzle dazzle - because staying home doesn't mean we can't do so comfortably & in style.

Tradition No. 3 - Christmas Day Brunch

Honestly... brunch is just our thing! It began when my husband was deployed. The mini & I would sleep in on weekends, and when we woke up - since it was too "late" for breakfast & too "early" for lunch - we would have brunch... typically on Sundays. When hubs returned, we brought him into the fold, having brunch any day of the week, any morning all three of us would home. For most holidays, dinner is the meal that gets all the focus & attention. We did thanksgiving dinner one year, and we just weren't moved. Thanksgiving brunch, however, was much more exciting for us. Don't get me wrong, we eat dinner... but it's just dinner. All of the fanfare that's associated with a holiday dinnertime meal just isn't for us, so Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year... all the holidays get a family brunch... tablescape & all.

Having a brunch, for us, also sets the tone for the day without all the fuss & mess associated with a formal dinner. It very much speaks to who we are... we're more casual & cool than we are formal & fussy.

Tradition No. 4 - Opening Stocking Stuffers On Christmas Eve

My husband & I are always shopping, in that we don't really wait for birthdays & holidays to buy the things we want for ourselves or one another. Over the years, we've managed, however, to do a pretty good job at still surprising each other & the mini for the holidays. Our first Christmas without my husband - deployment - I decided to make the simpler gifts feel she received feel a bit more special than just another day of getting things + she has the patience of any typical kid when it comes to her gifts. Now it's become something we all do - opening one of our stocking stuffers on Christmas Eve, leaving everything else for Christmas Day... after brunch of course.

Tradition No. 5 - Stocking Stuffer Socks

Speaking of stocking stuffers... you'll notice I said "one of..." and that's because we usually have 2-3 for each of us. I love getting practical gifts - pragmatic items that we needed anyway & simply put off purchasing. Those smaller practical gifts, would almost always include socks... going all the way back to our first Christmas as a family. Now every year, in addition to other items, at least one of us - if not all of us - gets socks as part of their stocking. We're all quite fond of our socks - especially novelty socks & fuzzy socks - so it really just makes sense for us. Instead of something that'll hardly - or never -get used, we can guarantee the socks will be appreciated.

Tradition No. 6 - Novelty Ornaments

Lastly, when it comes to things that truly represent us - and also going back to our very first family Christmas - every year we get new novelty ornaments that indicative of something significant to our family... bonus points if it's specific to that year.

For example... a passport ornament is from the year the mini got her first passport + hubs & I renewed our passports with a shared family name, a pick up truck ornament is from the year we bought out pick up truck, and a pair of gardening boots representing our first year of harvesting something from the garden; whilst other ornaments, like the tea kettle, bucket of chicken, Harry Potter books, and bacon strip represent things we love. This collection doesn't include the mini's own collection or ornaments of things she loves like Disney characters and ballerinas.

It's become fun collecting these ornaments & growing our collection year after year; and since I am usually the one that purchases the ornaments, I also get the satisfaction of surprising them with new ornaments & seeing their reactions.

For the two months - Nov to Jan - there's a lot that we've tweaked as we find our own way when it comes traditions... thinking about things like when to decorate & for what (i.e. seasonal decor versus holiday decor). With each passing year, we discern what does or doesn't work for us. Last year, for example, was our first year having a Thanksgiving turkey... and consequently our last. Chicken suits us just fine for dinner, and instead our family brunch menu included stuffing waffles & apple cider mocktails. This year also affirmed for me that taking on holiday campaigns as a content creator depletes me & casts a shadow over my personal merriment... so I decided not to do them anymore. I get to be in the moment from season to season, decorating in accordance to the calendar, not a brand's messaging needs. That said, this year we decorated on Christmas Eve & it was a stress free, guilt free, anxiety free day. For the New Year, being of Haitian descent, my family always had soup joumou on January 1st, in honor of Haitian Independence Day. Last year, I made the soup. This year I didn't, and more importantly, I didn't allow myself to feel any guilt for it. Will my daughter know the significance of the day? Yes... with or without the soup.

All of these traditions & timelines... I don't know how that'll impact her later in life. I can, however, guess what kind of imprint my stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and guilt will mentally leave on her, and that's not a chance I'm willing to take anymore.

Going into the new year, I am at peace with all the ways we chose to celebrate - or not celebrate - for the 2022-3 season. I don't feel like I'm barreling into the new year, with the weight of the holidays still firmly pressed on my nerves. TBH... I actually feel more in alignment with the stillness & gentleness of the winter season than I have since... ever! I'm now more concerned with preserving these feelings of peace & contentment, than I am with preserving traditions that don't really align with us or always make us feel good... and next year we can continue to build on this, with the same traditions or new ones as we see fit.