What I Am Unlearning About Entrepreneurship
Not too many people know this about me, but from 2008 to about 2011, I tried my hand at entrepreneurship for the first time.
A group of friends and I had launched a freelance marketing “firm” to provide different marketing services to other independent creatives, and alongside that we had a lifestyle and entertainment blog talking about everything from new music to finances. We were kind of sort of legit, all things considering.
After we all went out separate ways, I continued on my own unconventional path of entrepreneurship, providing a hodgepodge of marketing services, like website building, logo design, and public relations. I also tried to secure writing gigs wherever I could, and even did about a year as a seller and party consultant for an adult product company. I quickly realized though, that no matter how much I thought I was hustling, I wasn’t hustling enough to pay my new NYC apartment rent. That realization led me to hang up my entrepreneur hat, and I pursued visual merchandising full-time.
That was over 7 years ago!
I thought this iteration of entrepreneurship — with interior design — would be different. I figured I was older, wiser, I’d learned all the hard lessons, and so I was ready to do bigger and better than last time. I had a lifetime of experience behind me so what could possibly go wrong, right?
Answer: everything.
There was so much I still didn’t know and starting your own business as a thirty-something is just as hard, if not harder, than starting as a twenty-something. I now had way more responsibilities on my plate and so, way more pressure to be successful. Add to that the new surge of social media and, man oh man, did I overestimate my ability to succeed as an entrepreneur! Now this isn’t to say that I failed, but there was a lot I needed to unlearn before taking another stab at this, especially in a whole new industry. No matter how much I thought those two paths aligned, I was still contending with a completely different beast.
Un-Lesson No. 1
I don’t have to do it the way anyone else does.
Even back in 2008, 2009… and all the way through now, I wasted spent so much time trying to do things the way:
a. I thought I was supposed to
b. everybody else was
and/or
c. The way “experts” said it should be done
Talk about time I’ll never get back, because while there were some things to be gleamed from all those moments, my most valuable “aha moments” were from my own trials and errors.
Un-Lesson No. 2
There is only one me, therefore nobody can do it like me.
Imposter syndrome has never been so real for me than when I’ve been trying to build my own business — checking for who was doing what, and how, and heaven forbid two of us were doing something even remotely similar! Truth is, none of that mattered because no one — not in this or any other industry — is doing anything truly unique to them. Someone, somewhere had the idea first. What makes it unique is me!
No one is me and that was something I wish I reminded myself of more often, but it’s not too late to start conditioning myself to remember that. There is only one me.
Un-Lesson No. 3
I don’t have to stay in my damn lane.
I remember when I first starting driving, I had a tendency to veer off to the right. I don’t know if this is a common new driver thing, but this was a struggle for me for a really long time. That might explain why now, I just drive in the right lane.
Business, on the other hand, isn’t a one lane journey. I’ve had to change lanes — often! — but I was so scared of those changes, I kept jerking back into “my lane” which really only made things worse. I am now confident in who I am to know all the lanes can be mine if I go into them with intention.
Un-Lesson No. 4
Entrepreneurship and self-employment don’t have to be synonymous.
I had always resisted “getting a real job” while trying to build my own thing because to me that meant I failed. With time and experience, I came to realize that wasn’t always the case and that walking away from being an entrepreneur could sometimes be a good things…but I still resisted it for myself.
Worrying about what people will think, what I’d do next, if I’d just wasted my time crippled me and so really, I wasn’t moving forward or making any progress on either front.
This was all fear and pride and ego. Admitting that has freed me to pursue new ways of still being an entrepreneur AND having a job that is outside of me.
Un-Lesson No. 5
It’s okay to not be okay.
In life in general, but especially in business, we all want to keep it together or at least seem like we’re keeping it together. Y’all… your girl was in SHAMBLES! I doubted myself often and wanted to quit even more times than that. But I pushed through, and while some of you may say “that’s what it’s all about, perseverance!” truth is I was just being stubborn and putting on airs.
I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable and that did more harm than good — in business practice and in my day to day life. Letting myself feel the pain and frustrations of entrepreneurship meant I could heal and learn from it. And I’m so glad I did.
I am still learning, every single day, but most importantly, I am now UN-learning all those bad habits, mental blocks, and misconceptions that I’d adopted as someone who was trying to be “self-made”. I had someone say to me not too long ago that what I was doing was courageous, but for me the un-learning has been one of the scariest things that I have done because it is something I pushed back against until I honestly, had no choice.
What have you recently had to unlearn — in business or otherwise — that has helped you move forward? I know for me, this wasn’t even something that I wanted to talk about but now I really wanna know that it can’t just be me right?
