Health & Happiness: Plans to Reset My Physical & Mental Fitness
I remember at the top of 2020, I was in the middle of an on again & off again physical rollercoaster. I'd come a long way from where I was in 2019, but I was still adapting. I was getting settled into something like a workout routine and was more mindful of what I was eating. What I still lacked, however, was discipline and focus. Not that I was putting myself on any kind of strict diet or regimen, but without discipline — in anything — it's pretty easy to get derailed.
Prior to the pandemic — at the end of 2019 — I'd lost about 20 pounds from the previous 6 months. For someone who was only occasionally consistent with working out, I was really impressed with myself. I actually remember going in for a physical exam & my PCP telling me she was proud of me & the progress I'd made. That made my whole year! By the time the pandemic came around — and the subsequent stay at home orders — I stayed pretty consistent with my routine & my weight. I was in a groove & even when I'd veer off track, it would only be for a couple of days.
Then the summer came...
Those days turned to weeks... then to months... and before I knew it, I couldn't even remember the last time I really worked out. And my "mindful eating" was... well I was mindful that I was eating... all the things... all the time lol.
By the time my husband came home and we, shortly after, found ourselves gearing up to move, all my even halfway decent habits had gone out the window and had been replaced by constant stress eating & snacking. I was drinking more coffee & wine, but less water. I was only active because of having to haul things up & down the stairs. And sleep... well, what is sleep?
All of that only outlines the rise & decline of my physical wellness but truth be told it was simultaneously the rise & decline of my mental wellness too.
During this time I was also in talk therapy and at the top of 2020, my therapist and I talked through all the progress I'd made. By the time we spoke again at the beginning of the summer, she also made a point of telling me she's proud of me. But just like my physical habits, my mental self was starting to be impacted by everything around me. 2020 itself was finally starting to catch up with me but my physical space was also taking a toll on me -- everything was displaced, be it because of the living room & dining room makeovers or moving.
So now, in the new year, I know I need to do better. And not as part of resolutions or anything like that but looking at my current state, I'm not happy. Physically and mentally, I don't feel like myself. And when you're unhappy and/or not feeling like yourself, you try and do something about it, right? You make a change, right?
Activity
Any weight gain or loss I've ever achieved has always been directly tied to my activity levels. Yes food & drink plays a role, but the greatest catalyst for change in my body has always been how active I may or may not be. This year I tried a few different programs & workout routines, especially after cutting out the gym altogether. At the height of the pandemic I took advantage of Centr's 6 week trial and it's been the only program I've tried that I've been able to commit to. The program works for the way I workout but only works if I actually work out.
That's the plan for 2021 — actually move my body.
Not just occasionally stretching or moving up & down the stairs... but actually engaging my entire body. Apple also recently released Apple Fitness Plus and as an Apple Watch user, this definitely caught my eye. The review reminded me a lot of Centr so I may use them in tandem... we'll see.
Heaven knows I own more than enough work out gear from Fabletics to keep me motivated to get dressed and actually workout, even if just means laps around the backyard.
Eating
I don't have a great relationship with food. I wouldn't even know how to have a relationship with food. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored... I eat — more specifically, snack — just because I can. But other times, I can get such tunnel vision that I forget to eat altogether. I don't think I am to the point of an eating disorder or anything to that extreme; I just have trash eating habits.
My best relationship with food was when I was being intentional with my grocery shopping.
For me, it starts with what I'm bringing into the house & have access to on a regular basis. It's gonna take some work to reset my shopping & eating habits, but it's such a small step in comparison to the results it'll yield. I won't be rummaging around for snacks or flailing to figure out what to make for meals. It's the first step in improving my relationship with food & ultimately being better about what I put in my body.
Mindset
My headspace has been the bedrock of it all. When I'm in the right headspace, I'm motivated enough to work out & I have no reason lean on food as an emotional crutch. But when my mind isn't right, working out and eating right are the last things on my agenda...I barely have it in me to get out of bed on my worst days.
All of that to say, before I can do anything else, I need to get my mind right.
I haven't been to talk therapy since the summer which is something I plan to get back to. With so many changes that have come my way, therapy has helped me talk through all of it and then some; but this year has unearthed struggles that my therapist & I have never had conversations on. My plan -- my hope -- is to start looking into a new therapist that can hold my hand through these uncharted waters. We made great progress together but I'm at the point where even the smallest incident can send my anxiety spiraling and I'm down for the count for days at a time.
With or without a new therapist, I still know that I have to continue to fact check my feelings, learn to say to no to some things, and, above all else, be kinder to myself.
I refuse to spend 2021 putting too much pressure on myself or with too many high expectations. Lord knows 2020 came in and sucker punched us all, so the last thing I need/plan to do is get overly ambitious with 2021.
